In Pursuit of Peace

As a teenager I longed for something that was missing in my life. I grew up in a home where fighting and fussing was prevalent. My parents separated when I was thirteen. When I needed guidance the most was when I was left to tend to myself. Life was bitter and unpleasant. Depressions flooded my soul and I couldn't overcome it. I felt such a heavy weight set upon me and I didn't know what to do. I was overwhelmed at school and spent most of my time with the counselor. I couldn't concentrate on my schoolwork or social life. I cried everyday. It felt like a war was going on inside my body and there was no one to turn to for help. Everyone thought I was going crazy, including me.All of the dreams that I had lived for had shattered. I reached a point of utter hopelessness. The things in life that had once given me joy now left me longing for something more. I really didn't see the point of living. I felt like I had no family to help and my friends were nothing but troublemakers. I'd come home late at night hoping for correction, some sign that my dad cared, but he never even acknowleged my presence. I can see now he was hurting so bad from losing his wife he forgot to comsider my feelings in losing a mother.I was looking for a way out of my troubled state so I decided to visit my mom across the country. My dad was so upset he wasn't even home to tell me goodbye. I was only suppose to go for a visit but in the end I never returned home to my dad or my life thousands of miles away. I couldn't have it both ways those days were long gone. I envied teenagers who lived with both parents in what seemed like a perfect life. My life was anything but perfect. I stayed with people who openly cussed God, which didn't bother me at that time cause I wasn't saved. They were drug addicts and drunks. My state of being appeared to be getting worse. My mom spent most of her money on drugs so much that we went without the necessities of life. Due to the bills not being pais we were forced to leave our trailer we called home. During this time my brother saw me reading the Bible and dared me to go to church with my grandma. I couldn't refuse a dare so I went on Sunday. I really didn't like it but I kept going because there was something different about the people than I was use to. One Sunday evening I acknowledged my lost condition. I finally saw myself lost without God. I received Christ as my Saviour that night and perfect peace flooded my soul. That peace was what I had been longing for ever since I could remember.When I got home from church I told my family what had happened and they actually thought I was crazy. They began to ridicule me. I thought life was hard before I got saved I was mistaken, it only got worse. My family made life difficult but Christ was right beside me in all of the trials. All around me was turmoil but in my soul I had peace that passes all understanding. God placed a heavy burden on my heart for my lost loved ones. I tried to tell them about God but it seemed to no avail. Every night before I'd go to be I'd hug my mom for what seemed like hours as I told her goodnight. I made the process as drawn out as possible. I was so scared she would die during the night and go to hell. I remember many nights when she'd be out partying. She'd leave me home alone wondering if she'd make it home alive. Her drug friends would bang on my window in the middle of the night looking for different things. One time when I came home from school one of her friends was siting on our couch alone. God's grace has always been sufficient for me. He has brought me though so much which enabled me to trust him more. I can truly say my life inspite of all the trials is a hundred times better. I've seen many people in opposition to God and I have also seen God's miraculous ways of bringing people to him. He's saved my mom ( Although she's not in church now), sister, and niece. I thought my mom was unreachable but God's able to save even those that look hopeless. I still have a lot of family members who are lost and seemly hopeless, but I'm not going to lose my faith in God. He's showed me how powerful He is and I'll never lose hope that he'll bring them into his saving grace. I just want to thank God for being so present in my life. He's been so good to me. I just want to serve him as long as I have breath. I've wasted many precious years in the world and I want to live many more for God.